How Long Will a Narcissist Hoover?
Narcissistic hoovering is a term used to describe the behavior of a narcissist who returns to a relationship after it has ended, often with the intention of manipulating or rekindling the connection. This can be a confusing and distressing experience for the person on the receiving end. But how long will a narcissist hoover? Understanding the duration of this behavior can help individuals recognize and cope with it more effectively.
Understanding Narcissistic Hoovering
Narcissistic hoovering is a part of the narcissistic abuse cycle, which includes idealization, devaluation, and discard. During the idealization phase, the narcissist may shower the other person with affection, attention, and admiration. However, this is short-lived, and the narcissist quickly moves into the devaluation phase, where they may belittle, insult, and manipulate the person they were once idealizing.
When the relationship reaches its breaking point, the narcissist may discard the person, leaving them feeling rejected and abandoned. But this is not the end of the cycle. The narcissist may return to the relationship, often under the guise of wanting to make amends or rekindle the connection. This is the hoovering phase.
Factors Influencing the Duration of Hoovering
The duration of a narcissist’s hoovering behavior can vary widely depending on several factors:
1. The narcissist’s personality: Some narcissists may hoover for a short period, while others may continue to do so for years.
2. The severity of the narcissistic personality disorder: Individuals with more severe narcissistic personality disorder may hoover more frequently and for longer periods.
3. The relationship dynamics: The nature of the relationship, such as the level of dependency or co-dependency, can influence the duration of hoovering.
4. The individual’s boundaries: If the person being hoovered sets clear boundaries and holds firm, the narcissist may eventually move on. However, if the boundaries are ambiguous or weak, the hoovering may persist.
Duration of Hoovering
While there is no definitive answer to how long a narcissist will hoover, some general patterns can be observed:
1. Short-term hoovering: This may last for a few days or weeks, with the narcissist making brief attempts to reconnect.
2. Moderate-term hoovering: This can last for several months, with the narcissist periodically returning to the relationship, only to discard it again.
3. Long-term hoovering: In some cases, the narcissist may hoover for years, using the person as a source of narcissistic supply or as a way to maintain control.
Breaking the Hoovering Cycle
Breaking the narcissistic hoovering cycle can be challenging, but it is possible. Here are some steps to consider:
1. Set clear boundaries: Communicate your needs and expectations clearly, and be firm in enforcing them.
2. Limit contact: Reduce the frequency and duration of contact with the narcissist to minimize the risk of falling into the hoovering cycle again.
3. Seek support: Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist for emotional support and guidance.
4. Focus on self-care: Engage in activities that promote your well-being and help you heal from the narcissistic abuse.
In conclusion, the duration of a narcissist’s hoovering behavior can vary, but understanding the factors that influence it can help individuals recognize and cope with this challenging experience. By setting boundaries, seeking support, and focusing on self-care, it is possible to break free from the narcissistic hoovering cycle and move towards healing and recovery.
