Don’t trust myself with loving you
It’s a chilling realization that haunts me like a shadow, an unwelcome truth that lingers in the quiet moments of my solitude. “Don’t trust myself with loving you,” the words echo in my mind, a stark reminder of the vulnerability that I’ve come to fear. Love, a beautiful and complex emotion, has always been a double-edged sword for me, capable of both healing and destroying. And as I stand at the precipice of this love, I am gripped by a sense of trepidation, a fear that I may not be worthy of the profound connection that is unfolding between us.
Throughout my life, I’ve danced on the edge of relationships, always stepping back at the last moment. The fear of vulnerability has been a constant companion, whispering doubts and insecurities into my ear. I’ve watched others soar on the wings of love, their lives painted with vibrant hues and filled with laughter and joy. Yet, I’ve remained grounded, content in the safety of my solitude, where I can control my emotions and avoid the pain that comes with vulnerability.
But now, here we are, you and I, entwined in a dance that is both exhilarating and terrifying. You are the one who has dared to enter my world, to see the vulnerabilities and imperfections that I’ve hidden away. And as we move through the steps of this relationship, I am torn between the desire to embrace you fully and the fear that I may not be able to love you the way you deserve. The thought of failing you, of not being able to provide the love and support you need, is a specter that haunts me night and day.
It’s not that I don’t care for you, or that I don’t want to love you. On the contrary, the thought of losing you fills me with a deep sense of sorrow. But my fear of love has created a barrier, a wall that I have built around my heart to protect myself from the pain of rejection and loss. And now, as we stand at the threshold of this love, I must confront the truth: I don’t trust myself with loving you, not fully, not yet.
But as I stand here, trembling with the weight of my fear, I am also filled with a sense of hope. For in the face of my insecurities, I see your love shining through, a beacon of light that encourages me to take that leap of faith. I know that I am not alone in this journey, that you are here to hold my hand, to guide me through the darkness and into the light. And as we continue to dance together, step by step, I am learning to trust myself with loving you, to embrace the vulnerability that comes with opening my heart to you.
